Ryan's Blog: July 2006

Monday, July 31, 2006

I'm sick of bullshit excuses...

The fourth girl (of the four I've had dates with and what not in the past month, well techincally in the past... um... 3 years) well... I was supposed to have gone out with this girl today... (Well last night, Sunday... whatever) and then like... thursday I believe it was she gave me some excuse that someone at work had a staff infection and came into work. blah blah blah, they were told not to be around anyone besides those at the office for 7 days if at all possible. Well, looking on her roomies myspace... I see that coincidentally happens to be the day she started seeing her ex again. Why is it people can't tell me the truth, don't they realize the truth is much kinder, than drumming up some bull-spit story and leading people on? It is immature bullshit that happens almost EVERY SINGLE TIME. When will it end? *shakes his head*

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Talk about propaganda...

SEATTLE, Washington (CNN) -- A man accused of killing one woman and wounding five others at a Jewish center Friday was ticketed for a minor traffic violation a half hour before the shootings, the Seattle police chief said Saturday.


Friday, July 28, 2006

(SPACE.com) -- An enormous amoeba-like structure 200 million light-years wide and made up of galaxies and large bubbles of gas is the largest known object in the universe, scientists say.

The galaxies and gas bubbles, called Lyman alpha blobs, are aligned along three curvy filaments that formed about 2 billion years after the universe exploded into existence after the theoretical Big Bang.

The filaments were recently seen using the Subaru and Keck telescopes on Mauna Kea.

The galaxies within the newly found structure are packed together four times closer than the universe's average.

Some of the gas bubbles are up to 400,000 light years across, nearly twice the diameter of our neighboring Andromeda Galaxy.

Scientists think they formed when massive stars born early in the history of the universe exploded as supernovas and blew out their surrounding gases. Another theory is that the bubbles are giant gas cocoons that will one day give birth to new galaxies.

The finding will give researchers new insight into what the structure of cosmos looks like at the largest scale.

"Something this large and this dense would have been rare in the early universe," said study team member Ryosuke Yamauchi from Tohoku University.

"The structure we discovered and others like are probably the precursors of the largest structures we see today which contain multiple clusters of galaxies," Yamauchi said.

Nooooooo.... a good man died an no one even bother to fucking tell me. Nothing like waking up, looking at your email only to find yourself sobbing uncontrollably

Rest in Peace Major Raymond E. Benn Junior... friend to my father, friend to me, 2nd best man who ever lived, 2nd only to my father. A great man who has always been there for us. Ray, sorry we missed your showing and funeral. Damnit I just talked to you 2 months ago.

Rest in peace, June 21, 2006.

Big Benn, you will be missed.

Major Raymond Eugene Benn, Jr. 54, Indianapolis, passed away June21, 2006 He was a member of Robinson Community A.M.E. Church and was apart of the Men of Robinson. He was a Veteran of the U.S. Army, servingin the Persian Gulf War and Operation Desert Storm. He was also amember of the Buffalo Soldiers Motorcycle Club, and served as an ArmyReservist. He attended Lakeland College in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. He wasemployed by the Indiana State Police as a State Trooper since 1983, andobtained the rank of Major during his 23 year tenure, having enlistedin the Academy on August 29, 1983. He was a board member of theRegional Working Group for the National Crime Information Center (NCIC)and the Committee Chairman for the Indiana Data and CommunicationsSystems (IDACS). Services will be held on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 at11:00 a.m. at Robinson Community A.M.E. Church, 4602 N. College Avenue.Calling will be on Monday, June 26, 2006 from 5-8 p.m. at StuartMortuary. Interment will be in Crown Hill Cemetery. Survivors:children, Cydaria L. Benn Cooke and Raymond Eugene Benn, III and hisbeloved Debra C. Benn; grandchildren, Nanyamka Day and Ralph AnthonyCooke, III; mother, Dolores J. White Benn; brothers, Anthony J. Bennand Christopher E. Benn.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there
I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds

In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and cry

I am not there
I did not die


On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by

the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or

walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty

years." The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How

about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So

God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this,

I'll give you a twenty-year life span". The monkey said:

"Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to

perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go

into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the

sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family.

For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow

said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty

years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep,

play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty

years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you

possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the

ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back;

that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for


So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and

enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun

to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey

tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at


Life has now been explained to you.
"Futurama" is coming back! Comedy Central will start airing theoriginal episodes in 2008 and will be premiering 13 brand new episodesat the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A fellow named Jeff ran into me over at the Mousewax comic forum the other day. He says he's a Mormon Pagan. Turns out he's a Freemason, too. He shared my links so I'm sharing is in a similiar fashion



Thursday, July 27, 2006

I just wanted to mention two very good blogs that you all should stop by

"What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth. No smallest atom of our moral, mental, or physical structure can stand still a year. It grows-it must grow; nothing can prevent it." -Mark Twain

Love is that fragile flower of the most uncommon beauty. One which can never be found by purpose alone while wandering through life's gardens, yet one whose color and fragrance is most pure and meaningful when discovered by accident while tending to the more mundane duties of the common man. A diamond found lying quietly amongst the broken glass of childhood's shattered windows.

To love another is the supreme sacrifice of self, For one must give freely and completely of themself to another, unconditional... without any reservation. To give less serves only to sabotage the evolution from self sustaining isolation to a greater joining of intimate awareness.

Love defies generalizations. Poets, philosophers, theologians, and countless others have ascribed their own theories and interpretations but often they still fall short of the goal of capturing the true nature of this unfathomable entity. The strength of love lies in its diversity. It possesses the unique ability to evolve, change, and permutate over the course of our lives. Just as we grow outwardly we must also grow inwardly. Our thoughts, realizations, and perceptions are given credence by our individual experiences on the separate paths we follow in our quest for love. And as love is an integral part of our inner selves, so it must grow and mature as well. It possesses the ability to adapt to its internal as well as its external environment. It not only changes as we change but it also ebbs and flows, unlike the steady tide of the seas, outwardly dependent on the receptivity of those to whom it is directed.

During certain periods of our lives love may seem to fade or even disappear entirely from our emotional palette. But once conceived it never truly ceases to exist. Love is the ultimate survivor. It has a will to live as strong as the will of its human container. If necessary, it may hibernate, withdraw like a turtle into its shell. When it is rebuffed or rejected by the harshness and cold complacency which can be so common in others, it folds in on itself until which time it again feels safe to venture out into a more nurturing environment. But it does not die.

We say we fall in love but this isn't right... we don't fall anywhere, we simply open our hearts and allow the love inside to project its energy towards the heart of another. If it is well received and properly tended, it creates a spiritual bond between the two hearts. However, love is an individualized emotion. It is a part of who we are and just as no two people share the exact same emotional make-up, neither can they share totally identical expressions of their love for one another. The beauty of a strong and viable relationship is seen when two souls meet and the colors of their love complement each other.

We are in love when we can find that fragile state of being where our individual love demands no more than the other person can give and when we can provide the necessary energies to allow them to be fulfilled as well. Love cares nothing for equality but it insists on balance. That balance is possible only when both people are satisfied that their own expectations and needs in a relationship are being adequately provided for.

It is our duty to our mate and our responsibility to ourselves to make clear the window to our souls. Love thrives on communication and tolerance. That which we desire and that which we can accept as a reasonable equivalent must be verbalized or otherwise made unmistakably apparent to our lover. Understanding and compromise are the banquets on which love feasts. And conversely, assumption and an unyielding insistence on prerequisites for our love are the sabers which will inevitably sever the emotional bond that love provides.

We are merely passengers on our ship of destiny and love is the compass that guides our journey through life. Whether it is love for another human being, a cherished goal, or a desire to find completeness and meaning to our lives bears little consequence on the necessity for following the course that love charts. Love cannot live comfortably in a vacuum. It must be allowed free reign and be given the opportunity to explore beyond the confining walls of self-protection which we construct as barriers to the ravages of life. It is the flagship of our soul and the purveyor of our most cherished dreams of a purposeful existence. Love we hide or hold back from others out of fear is love wasted. It is of no value to us when held inside but can increase in value a hundredfold when shared with another like minded individual or when directed towards a greater aspiration beyond our own selfish needs.

Love's reality, like beauty, is held solely in the eyes of the beholder. And love's vision, if we must transpose a physical sense upon a non-physical entity, is crystal clear. It seeks that which coincides appropriately with its own desires. It is not foolproof, nor is it always accurate in striking close to the heart of its target. Nevertheless, it is an essential component of our soul's repertoire and must be given the autonomy it requires to seek out that which holds promise to provide the needed sustenance for its own growth.

We are more than often left wanting, unfulfilled and incomplete, in our usual interactions with the vast majority of those we meet in our lives... but that takes nothing away from love's dream of compassionate surrender to the possibilities for the future, and therein lies the instinct for love's survival, and perhaps our own. It presents itself as a determination to force us through the frailties of mortal existence... obligating us to maintain an uncompromising optimism towards the realization of spiritual completeness that may lie dormant but aware in the souls of others we encounter along the way.

Love is the source of the most extreme short term emotions. Periodically, it is the most painful and dangerous sensation imaginable. You’ll cry harder then you thought possible, you will think dark, poisonous thoughts. However... it is the source of the purest pleasure you will ever experience. A brief conversation, look, or moment of physical contact, and you’re off, eyes glazed, head full of fluff, and with a stupid grin plastered over your face... but these are fleeting, ephemeral emotions. Many people mistake these feelings for love, think that their despair and hatred proves their love, or that the buzzing sense of joy is all that love is. But these feelings are only the consequences of love.

Love is not words, or actions, it is not crushing despair or rapturous joy... it is simply a state of being, and one that feels as effortless and natural as breathing. When you are with your love you feel impossibly at ease, and when he or she is absent you feel distant, distracted and incomplete. You may find it difficult to identify the cause of these feelings, so intrinsic and instinctive have your emotions become. It is easy to notice the intense and extreme sensations, but the more subtle, true emotions can be missed if you aren’t careful.

Love is a choice to do the highest good for someone. Love is the bond of perfectness... love is the perfect glue. Love is noble and idealistic. Love is the highest of all the virtues.

Love is for givers, not getters. Those who demand to be loved before they will love shouldn’t be surprised if no one gives them love. Lovers live in a world of giving. The getters, the ones who are looking for love, is a different world. We have a duty to love, but we have no guarantees that we will be loved. We have it in our power to love, but we have no power to force others to love us. It is folly to spend life demanding love from others. If we are true lovers, our entire mindset is in a giving mode. There is no place for bemoaning the ways others neglect us.

Love requires the giving of ones’ self to another. It involves an element of self-depletion, self-exhaustion. Love is empathic. It puts itself in someone else’s shoes. Love seeks to understand. Love cares. It does not pre-judge. It does not pass sentences. Love does not jump to conclusions. Love does not throw down ultimatums. Love does not declare war on its object. Love is tender, it is kind, it is forgiving.

Love can build a bridge across great divides. Love is more powerful than any other force, because love stands for the best interest. Love will only do good. Love will do no evil. Love is the most irresistible force known to humanity.

Sometimes... I ask myself... "Is there anyone out there for me?" quite often I start to think "No, no there isn't" however... saying that to myself is unfair. There is someone out there for me... they are probably several people out there for me... I just need to find one of them. First though, I have to stop moping around, I have to give up the life of feeling bad because I don't have anyone... I'll never have anyone if I don't get over that and move on. Yes, there IS someone out there for me, there IS someone out there for ALL of us.

I could easily go on for ages, however I'll be nice and end this here. If you've read this far... I say, Thank You.

- Ryan Mercer , http://www.ryanmercer.com
Hello everyone, just wanted to say again to stop by my forums over at